Opening Prayer for a FUneral

God, you give us so many gifts. And so we say thank you.

One of the greatest gifts you give us is life, life in abundance.

In our lives you bless us with joy and laughter,

In our lives you comfort us when we are sad or when we hurt, or when we are afraid. And again we say thank you.

Today we come to say good-bye to NAME.

And as we say good-bye we celebrate everything that made her who she was, and we say thank-you for the gift of her.

God you are always with us. You are wonderful and compassionate and mysterious.

You protect us like a father with a new baby.

You watch over us like a mother on the playground.

You comfort us like a warm hug from a grandparent.

Today, as we come to share our sadness and our grief,

be with us, strengthen us, hear our tears.

As we say good-bye, as we say thank you, as we share our tears,

remind us that we are not alone, that you are with us.

Amen.

Prayer of Memory and Intercession (for a Blue Christmas Service)

God of hope,
You come to us in the midst of our despair and offer hope.
In hope we hold the memories of our past in our hearts.
The memories give us hope, they remind us of what was,
they keep alive the happiness of those days in our hearts.
As we remember and give thanks, keep us hoping for the new memories yet to be made.

God of peace,
In this season of preparation we join the global family praying for peace on earth, good will to all.
In this season of preparation we seek a time of rest, an oasis of calm in the midst of the activity.
Grant us the peace of mind to sit with our memories, to stay with our grief, to find the peace that heals a broken heart, and a broken world.

God of joy,
Sometimes joy is difficult.
Sometimes the hardness of the world sinks into our soul and joy is pushed out.
Help us trust in you. And as we trust,
open our eyes to see the signs of joy that stubbornly push through the icy hardness of life.
May we find joy in remembering years past, and joy in the present, and look ahead to joy in the years to come.

God of love,
Love is that force that drives the world.
Love brings tears to our eyes, be they tears of wonder, or joy, or pain, or sorrow
Love shapes our memories.
In this season of Christmas, remind us of the love that surrounds us.
Remind us that love never really lets go.

God of Christmas,
We listen for angel song.
We watch for signs of new birth.
We trust in the promise.
In this season of birth, of promise, as we carry the hopes and fears of the past and present into the future,
Remind us that we are not alone, that you are with us.
Emmanuel, we raise our memories, the bitter and the sweet, and share them with you, that you would share the heaviness they sometimes bring, that you would help us celebrate the promises and possibilities of life.
Amen.

Blue Christmas 2014 Reflections

To go with this service

The Cloud of Despair, The Candle of Hope:

My God My God, why have you forsaken me. Is there any better cry of despair? The early church put these words of despair on the lips of Jesus as they told the story of the crucifixion. Despair is real. It is part of being human. It may have various shades and intensities but we all feel despair at some time in our life.

Despair can suck the life out of us. If we sink too deep despair can convince us that there is no point trying. It disguises itself as “realism”. It tells us that the realistic viewpoint is that things won't get better. If we aren't careful despair can convince us that even God has left us, that we are indeed forsaken.

But the Gospel message counters the world's despair with God's hope. The Good News of faith reminds us that we are not alone. Those verses from Paul's letter to the Roman church are some of the best words to counter despair. They don't promise that life will be perfect. But they do promise that no matter what happens God will be with us. We will not be forsaken. And in that lies our hope.

Centuries ago, Dame Julian of Norwich shared these words that echo through time: “All will be well, all will be well, all manner of thing be well”. Julian knew that life was not even close to perfect. She knew that life was often disastrous – because she had seen many disasters. But she knew that God was there and that in the long term God's love and will would prevail. She had hope.

And now, remembering the hope shared by Paul and by Julian, we light this candle of hope, that it may shine brightly in our lives when the cloud of despair threatens to overtake us...

The Haze of Busy-ness, The Candle of Peace:

It sneaks up on us sometimes. Without thinking much about it we agree to one thing and then another, all of which are good in and of them selves. And suddenly we find that we don't have enough time to do everything we have agreed to AND all the things we want to do for ourselves AND all the things we want to do with our family. And maybe we start to feel that we are just going through the motions, just doing things to get them done, but not really enjoying them or no longer sure they are worthwhile.

And sometimes we do it on purpose. Sometimes being busy seems better than the alternative. Maybe time that isn't filled with “stuff” leaves us with time to think or feel things that are uncomfortable. Maybe being busy allows us to cope – at least for a little while.

But being that busy can't last. Our energy just can't sustain it for too long. And so eventually our bodies and souls make us stop. Then what. Are we left resentful of the things we missed out on? Are we left exhausted, not ready to deal with those things we were trying to avoid? Now what do we do?

The Psalmist gives us an answer. “Be still, and know that I am God!”. We counter the busy-ness of life (whatever the source of the busy-ness) by letting go and letting God. The peace we crave lies in trusting God, in adding stillness into our lives, and so leaving space for God to calm our souls and nerves.

As we search for peace, as we try to peer through the haze of busy-ness, we light this candle. May it's light shine through the haze, clearing our vision, acting as a beacon drawing us towards the peace of God...

The Gloom of Sorrow, The Candle of Joy:

It is a part of everybody's life at one time or another. Sorrow. Sometimes just for a moment or two, sometimes it forms a tub around us and we sit and soak, sometimes it feels like a morass from which we cannot escape, but in every life are periods of sorrow.

But to feel sorrow when we are expected to be happy is hard. When the world is in “Joy to the World” mode and joy feels far from our hearts we can feel out of step. And even if there sorrow is mixed with moments of joy there is still the shadow, the darkness that takes the brightness away. And we might wonder if this is alright.

But here is the thing. Christmas comes into the world just as it is. The Christ-child is born into a world just as it is. Not a perfect world. The birth of Christ did not suddenly make everything perfect. Jesus lives and works in a world where people are in pain and speaks to the power of God to transform the world, to bring healing to the pain. In Luke's Gospel Jesus begins his ministry with these words from Isaiah. Jesus comes to bring release to those held captive, Jesus comes to bring a garland instead of ashes, Jesus comes to bring comfort to those who mourn. Jesus comes to awaken joy in hearts made heavy with sorrow.

And so, as we await the birth of the Christ-child, as we wait for the year of God's favour, we light this candle of Joy. We trust that it will shine in the gloom of our sorrow, reminding us that joy and sorrow are both a part of our lives in the past, the present, and the future...

The Shadow of Fear, The Candle of Love:

What is the opposite of love? Is it hate? Is it anger? Is it indifference? I don't think so, Hate is not the opposite of love, it is more the shadow-side of love, love misdirected. Anger is sometimes spurred by love, it is sometimes a tool of love (and sometimes a tool of love's shadow). Indifference may be the lack of love but still is not quite its opposite. So what IS the opposite of love?

I think a therapist of mine several years ago was right. The opposite of love is fear. As evidence, I point out that scripture tells us that perfect love casts out all fear.

There are lots of things that breed fear in our lives. Grief. Uncertainty. Change. Anything that feels like a threat. And fear is a normal part of life, fear is something that can protect us, or at least spur us to take action to protect ourselves. But it can get in the way of life. If it gets too powerful fear can stop us from taking risks, from embracing the possibilities of life.

One of the most common instructions we find in Scripture is some variation of “Don't Be Afraid”. In these words from Isaiah we are told not to be afraid because God is with us, because God will strengthen and sustain us. In times of change and uncertainty, in the depths of grief, when we are sure we will be overwhelmed God is there to keep us from being washed away. The God who has loved us since before our birth keeps the water and the fire from destroying us.

And so we light this candle to drive away the shadow of fear, leaving room for the strength and power of love to fill our hearts and souls.

BLue Christmas Liturgy

With 4 reflections yet to be written (the last one I am reusing from last year because, well, the message remains constant)

God Opens Our Hearts

Words of Welcome

Opening Prayer

God of hope,

we gather here today as those who have known both hope and despair, knowing that hope is what we need.

God of peace,

we gather together for a time of quiet in the midst of the busy-ness of the world. 
God of joy, 
we gather with hearts that are heavy, even as the world around us sings songs of joy and wonder.

God of love,

we gather together in a world where there is so much fear, seeking the power and promise of love.

God of light,

in this time of worship and reflection, ease the heaviness of our hearts, shine light into the shadows of our lives, renew our hope, and fill us with the peace of Christ, in whose name we pray and whose birth we await.

Amen.

Hymn O Little Town of Bethlehem #64 Voices United

God Speaks to Our Hearts

The Cloud of Despair

Scripture Psalm 22:1-2; Romans 8:37-39

Reflection

The Candle of Hope

The Haze of Busy-ness

Scripture Psalm 46:1-5, 10-11

Reflection

The Candle of Peace

The Gloom of Sorrow

Scripture Isaiah 61:1-4

Reflection

The Candle of Joy

The Shadow of Fear

Scripture Isaiah 41:10, 43:1-2

Reflection

The Candle of Love

Hymn Hope is a Star #7 Voices United or A Candle is Burning #6 Voices United (verses 1-4)

The Darkness of Winter

When Blue Christmas services first started to gain traction they were often held on

the night of the solstice, the longest night of the year (and many were in fact given

names like “Longest Night Service of Into the December Darkness). It was a way

to honour not only the reality of our days in this latitude but also the darknesses of

which we have spoken today.

Isaiah wrote “the people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who

walked in a land of deep darkness – on them light has shined.” There are times

when we are the people who walk in darkness. And so we come searching for the

light

Scripture John 1:1-9, Luke 2:8-14

Reflection

The center of our circle, the center of the season, the center of our hope. Christ the

Lord is Born! The Light of the World is come!

We have come to our last candle. We have come to the point when we are

reminded of where the hope, the comfort, of the season. The angel speaks across

the centuries of faith and tradition to reach into our own hearts, quelling the fear,

touching the despair with words of hope. “Do not be afraid..for to you is born a

Saviour, who is Christ the Lord”

John reminds us that the God who comes as a child is the God who has been from

the beginning, the Word that brings hope, light and life to a world. Today we

remember the promise of the Light that can never be overcome, no matter how dark

the world may get. Can we join with the angels, even if only with part of our

being or just for a little while, and sing Glory to God for the Christmas gift?

The Light of the Christ-Child

We light this candle to remind us that though we are sometimes the people who walk in

darkness there is a light that the darkness can not overcome. We light this candle to

remind us that while there are times when we are filled with fear for the future the angel

still calls out “Fear Not” for there is Good News.

May the light and warmth of this candle be a source of comfort to us. We are not

alone. Thanks be to God!

God Moves In Our Hearts

We Light our Own Candles

Invitation:

We live as people of hope. We live as people whose hope lies in the light that

shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not, will not, and can not overcome it.

During these next few minutes, you are invited to come forward and light one or more of

the tea lights that are here on the table. These lights may be lights of memory for what

was or hope for what will be, or both.

Prayers for the People

Lord's Prayer

Hymn: Silent Night # 67 Voices United

BLESSING

We have gathered today to share our shadows.

Here, in the shadow of God's healing love, we could name our griefs and sorrows and struggles.

Here we have lit candles to drive away the shadows cast by despair, busy-ness, fear, and sorrow.

We also have lit candles to remind us of what was and what could be.

Now we prepare to leave this place and return to the world. We carry with us the promise of light and warmth in the times of darkness and cold.

And may the light of the candles we lit this afternoon, shine in our hearts to remind us of the Light of the World, that can not be overcome.

Go with God: Parent, Child, and Spirit, the one who lights our path and shares our load.

Amen

Reflections for Blue Christmas Service:

To go with this service
#1
We gather here today as another round of the calendar draws to a close. The circle has gone around again, bringing with it times of sorrow and times of joy; times of despair and times of hope; times of longing for what was and times of wondering what will be. And for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

The circle of the seasons, the circle of the week, the circle of the day. Life is full of cycles, repetition, patterns. Sometimes these patterns bring us comfort, or at least keep us going when the world falls apart. And sometimes the patterns and cycles remind us of how this go round will not be the same , how something is missing, and so bring us a feeling of loss, of sorrow, of longing for things to be “the way they were”.

But still the circles turn. Unendingly they turn, pulling us around with them, bringing us up and down. And so we light this candle to remind us of the circles, to remind us that there is a time to weep and mourn but also a time to laugh and dance. May its light and warmth sustain us as the circles carry us through the years....

#2
The snow drifts pile up. The cold wind blows. The ground is hard and frozen.
Or.
The sand dunes stretch for miles. The sun blazes down. All is hot and dry and barren.
Neither is an image that suggests comfort and life.

But wait. Look again at the winter scene. As the wind gusts it shakes the trees, sending lumps of snow to the ground and revealing the trees. Sometimes the branches revealed are bare and dry, mere sticks in the winter landscape, bereft of any sign that they once bore bright green leaves. But then there are the other trees. Dark green against the white snow. Defying the cold and lifelessness of winter. Reminding us of the life that continues.

Or shall we join Isaiah in the desert, watching it burst into bloom? A place where the barrenness is replaced with life through the power of God.

We light this candle to remind us of the possibility of life. We light it to remind us that there is life, even when we may not expect it, there is life. May the light of this candle give us hope when we have lost it....

#3
Such a pretty plant. But pick it up and you feel its sharp thorns, poking holes in the skin so that drops of bright red blood join the bright red berries. Such is the Holly.

Such a pretty season, coloured lights everywhere, songs ringing through the air. But look closer. There amidst the joy and excitement are people whose hearts have been pierced, people for whom the joy is hard to find, people who need a place where they are allowed to feel the pain that breaks their heart. Such is Christmas.

As the circle of the year turns, it brings Christmas. And so Christmas comes to us all in our sorrow and our pain as well as our joy and excitement. But hidden amongst the coloured lights and the joyous carols is comfort. Hidden amongst all the fuss and bother is hope, the promise that a road is being built through the rough places, the proclamation of comfort to those who struggle. The Holly of the season reminds us that not all is well. But the promise is there – we are comforted in our pain, we are given a path to follow that leads us through the rough places. For God gathers us as a shepherd gathers the lambs, holding us close, holding us safe.

We light this candle to remind us that we carry our own wounds, but also to remind us of the One who brings comfort, who binds our wounds and shares their pain. May the light of this candle remind us that we are not alone...

#4
In the beginning, all was darkness and chaos. In the beginning, God's Spirit was there. In the beginning, God spoke “Let there be Light”. And everything changed. There was light, there was order (or at least some order).

When Blue Christmas services first started to gain traction they were often held on the night of the solstice, the longest night of the year (and many were in fact given names like “Longest Night Service of Into the December Darkness). It was a way to honour not only the reality of our days in this latitude but also the darkness of grief.

Isaiah wrote “the people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who walked in a land of deep darkness – on them light has shined.” There are times when we are the people who walk in darkness. And so we come searching for the light.

There are days when life thrusts us into darkness and chaos. And God's Spirit is there. And God speaks, saying “Let there be Light”. And things change. Maybe not all at once but they change. Even if shadows remain, the light drives away the darkness. And order starts to take shape within the chaos, even if only to the point where it can now be called “ordered disorder”.

We light this candle to remind us of the light that was and is and yet will be. We light this candle to remind ourselves that we need not walk in darkness. May the light of this candle shine in our hearts whenever the shadows grow stronger and deeper...

#5

The center of our circle, the center of the season, the center of our hope. Christ the Lord is Born! The Light of the World is come!

We have come to our last candle. We have come to the point when we are reminded of where the hope, the comfort, of the season. The angel speaks across the centuries of faith and tradition to reach into our own hearts, quelling the fear, touching the despair with words of hope. “Do not be afraid..for to you is born a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord”

John reminds us that the God who comes as a child is the God who has been from the beginning, the Word that brings hope, light and life to a world. Today we remember the promise of the Light that can never be overcome, no matter how dark the world may get. Can we join with the angels, even if only with part of our being, and sing Glory to God for the Christmas gift?

A Blue Christmas Service

GOD GATHERS US IN

WORDS OF WELCOME

OPENING PRAYER

To everything there is a time...

A time to weep and a time to laugh...

God of all the seasons of our lives, we come here to share in this season of sorrow and joy, hope and despair, light and dark, pain and celebration.

Here we lay our sorrow, our struggles, our pain before us.

Here we pray that we will be touched with your healing love.

Here we come to seek for hope, for light, for joy...

Amen

Hymn O Come O Come Emmanuel #1 Voices United (Verses 1,4,5,6)

GOD SPEAKS TO US

Scripture Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Reflection

THE CANDLE OF CIRCLES

Scripture Isaiah 35:1-10

Reflection

THE CANDLE OF EVERGREENS

Scripture Isaiah40:1-11

Reflection

THE CANDLE OF HOLLY

Scripture Genesis 1:1-5, 14-19

Reflection

THE CANDLE OF LIGHT

Hymn Hope is a Star #7 Voices United

Scripture John 1:1-9, Luke 2:8-14

Reflection

THE CANDLE OF CHRIST

We light this candle to remind us that though we are sometimes the people who walk in darkness there is a light that the darkness can not overcome. We light this candle to remind us that while there are times when we are filled with fear for the future the angel still calls out “Fear Not” for there is Good News.

May the light and warmth of this candle be a source of comfort to us. We are not alone. Thanks be to God!

GOD MOVES IN OUR HEARTS

We Light our Own Candles

Invitation:

We live as people of hope. We live as people whose hope lies in the light that shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not, will not, and can not overcome it. During these next few minutes, you are invited to come forward an light one or more of the tea lights that are here on the table. These lights may be lights of memory for what was or hope for what will be, or both.

Prayers for the People

Lord's Prayer

Hymn: Silent Night # 67 Voices United

BLESSING

We have lit a candle to mark the closing of another circle, the passing of another year.

We have lit a candle to remind us of the promise of life that continues.

We have lit a candle to remind us of the sharpness, the pain that lies hidden in the beauty of life.

We have lit a candle to remind us of the light that shines in the darkness.

We have lit a candle to remind us that Emmanuel, God-With-Us is born.

We have lit candles to name our own grief, to name our own hopes, to give us light and warmth in a world which sometimes feels cold and dark.

And now we carry the light of these candles in our hearts and souls as we go back into the world.

Indeed we are not alone. God: Parent, Child and Spirit goes with us to light the way and lighten the load.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

A Sermon for a Celebration of Life

We have come together today to give thanks for a life. We have come to tell stories and share memories. We have not called our gathering a funeral or memorial service, the family were quite clear that the purpose of today was to celebrate NAME`s life and so that is what we have called it.

Sharing stories and memories, saying thank you, celebrating a life, these are good things to do. Today as we hear stories shared we learn more about NAME, about what others knew and thought of him, about what made him a special part of life in Grande Prairie. As the stories are told we may be moved to sweet tears, or to a fond smile, or a hearty chuckle, or full-fledged laughter. Laughter and tears are both signs of love. They both come from the heart. And they are both good things. So tell the stories, let the laughter ring and the tears flow. That is a great way to honour NAME and his memory.

But that is not the only reason we have come together today. For most of human history, at least as long as we have intentionally developed communities, humans have known that we need to do something to mark the passing of a loved one. We need some way to say good bye, to give thanks for how they touched our lives and some way to look forward to the life following the death. We join together in that long tradition today. It is not enough to share the stories, we also need to be reminded that there is hope in life continuing and to be reminded that we are not alone in our time of grief.

In the United Church Creed we find these wonderful, yet mysterious words: “In Life, In Death, In Life Beyond Death. We are Not Alone”. In his letter to the Roman church Paul states his firm belief that nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God. If these statements are true, then life continues. Life still wins.

In the Gospel of John, just before his death, Jesus tells his friends that he goes to prepare a place for them in a house of many rooms. In this lies the implicit promise that there is something beyond our last breath (otherwise what is the use of preparing a room?). There is something more. That is about all we can say with certainty. There is more. Last Monday, as NAME took his final breath he was welcomed into the place that had been prepared for him with the open arms of love, the love that has surrounded him since his birth,the love which holds him and us in arms that will never let us go.

And for those of us who are left? Where is our hope? Because let us be totally honest. Even as we celebrate a life that was full and well-lived, even as we give thanks for gifts that have been shared, even as we know that death is an inevitable part of life (as the writer of Ecclesiastes reminded us so many centuries ago), we know that the death of a loved one leaves a hole in our lives. We know that it brings feelings of pain and sorrow, that it may leave us wondering what life will be like now that our loved one is gone. What promise does “In life beyond death” hold for us. Where is our hope?

I remind you now of the words of Psalm 121: “I lift up my eyes to the hills— from where will my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.... He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand. ...The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time on and forevermore.”

God is with us, our rock and our strength. God is the one who gives us strength when we can't keep going. God is the one who helps us deal with (cope with?) life in all its randomness and unfairness. God is the arm we lean on, the shoulder we cry on, the one who picks us up and carries us when our strength fails. God cannot remove the hardships of life but God is there as we journey through those hard times. Right now life may seem dark and hard. But God's hope is that we all make it though the darkness and once again walk in the light of hope and faith.

Another Psalm uses the imagery of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. That is God's hope for us in our grief – that we find a path through the valley of shadow and back out into the light. But we don't need to find that path alone. In fact I would go so far as to say that we shouldn't try to find that path alone. We find and walk the path with God as our companion and guide. On that road we may meet God in many guises. In the phone call from a friend who calls “just because”. Or in the person who drops by with a dish of food. Or in the gathering of friends and neighbours to share stories. Or in the sense, almost impossible to describe but very real, that we are not alone, that someone is in the room with us. But however we feel/see/meet the presence of God we know that we are not alone.

NAME has come to his time to die. There is nothing anyone can say that changes that fact. And so we come together to celebrate his life, to give thanks for the gifts he shared, and also to name our grief and to seek hope in the face of death. We know that life's hardships are somehow easier when we face them together so we support one another. And we share the words of faith – Life Wins. Somehow life still wins. Death does not have the final word. In life, in death, in life beyond death, God is with us. Thanks be to God.

An Opening Funeral Prayer for teh Christmas Season

God of Christmas, we gather here today
while the world continues to celebrate and sing joyful songs
with hearts that are heavy with grief.
There was a face missing at our Christmas this year,
and so we have come to say our farewells.
God who is with us in our joys and our sorrows,
you are one who gives us the gift of Life-in-Abundance
and so we come here today to celebrate life,
giving thanks especially for the life of NAME
God, you are mysterious beyond our full understanding,
and wonderful beyond our wildest expectation
yet you are also compassionate,
as protective as a mother watching her children at play,
as tender as a father holding his newborn child,
as watchful as a shepherd with the sheep,
as comforting as a grandparent’s warm embrace.
Today as we come into your presence to grieve NAME’s death,
we ask that your Holy Spirit would be here to ease our pain.
Be with us now, as we sing and pray and remember.
Through the shadow of death may we see the light and peace
promised in the birth of the Babe of Bethlehem, Amen.

A Funeral Blessing for the Christmas Season

We go out from this time of remembering and farewell

into the world which is still festooned with the decorations of Christmas.

As we go, may we take comfort that the Babe of Bethlehem was born to share our joys and our sorrows.

May we remember that Emmanuel, God-With-Us comes to a world of struggle to bring peace, hope, joy, and love.

May the God who is revealed in a baby in a manger go with you this day.

May you remember the words of the angel “do not be afraid”

Even in the darkness of grief, may we all see the light that can not be overcome. Amen.

A Funeral Sermon

Life is not fair. Sometimes there is no other way to put it. Or at least nothing that makes it as clear at that. Life is not fair. That is one of the hard truths that we face today.

Life contains pain. Another hard truth we face. Life contains pain. Sometime we can handle the pain, sometimes we can't. Sometimes we seek out others to help us handle the pain, sometimes (for whatever reason – maybe being “brave”, maybe afraid to ask, maybe we don't believe anyone can help) we try to do it by ourselves. And sometimes the pain just feels like too much to deal with and we try to find a way to put it behind us.

Other people's choices sometimes hurt us. A third hard truth. Perhaps the hardest one of all. Sometimes other people make choices that hurt us. And for whatever reason she made that choice, H's choice to end her own life has caused great pain. I do not believe this is why she made that choice. I believe that H was most likely trying to escape from pain that she found unbearable. But it is undeniable that her making that choice hurts her family and friends. And so we gather together to begin to deal with our pain and sorrow.

I am sure that there are many different emotions in this room this morning. There are people here who are sad. There are people here who are still asking “Why?”. There are people here who are angry, maybe angry at H, maybe angry at themselves, maybe angry at the world. There are people here who are anxious, unsure what the future will bring. There may also be people here who feel guilty, wondering if they missed something, if there was something they could have done, or not done, or said or not said that would have helped H find other choices. And there are likely people here who have some or all of these feelings in combination. All these things are normal. All these are ways we respond to a tragic, totally abnormal event in our lives. And the best thing to do is to let ourselves feel what we need to feel. We need not try to push the feelings aside or deny them. Only by allowing them their space will we be able to start the process of coming to a “new normal”, of figuring out what life is going to be like on this side of H's death.

But take heart. We do not face these feelings alone. We have family and friends to help us express our feelings. And we have God walking with us, giving us support, giving us strength, helping us through the rough patches. We do not have to face the pains and struggles of life alone. And that is good. Indeed that is very good.

As we deal with these feelings there are some things we need to acknowledge as well. One is that there are questions to which we will never know the answers. We can never answer all the “Why?” questions. We can never know what was troubling H, what the sources of her pain were. We can make guess, but the only one who knew the whole story was H, and for her own reasons she chose not to share those things. Another piece that we need to acknowledge is that while it is normal to ask us if there was something we could have done, if we could have been more supportive, even if somehow we were part of causing H's pain; we need to know that H's death is not our fault. And we need to allow ourselves to be forgiven, as God has already forgiven us, for any way in which we might think we failed her.

How do we move forward in the face of tragedy? How can we face the future when the world seems to make no sense?

One of the things people have done for centuries, probably for all of human history, is gather together just like we have done today. Here we have taken time to share some memories, and later today there will be more time to share memories. As you came in you were offered a piece of paper on which you could write some memories to share with H's family. All this storytelling, all this sharing of memories is a part of how we move forward, a part of how we say good-bye. And strangely it is in sharing memories with each other that we get to know H better. Some people knew H through dance, some knew her through school. For some she was sister, or cousin, or niece, or daughter. But when stories are shared about all those different ways she was known a clearer, more complete picture of who she was (both the good and the bad – she was a real person with flaws and all) is drawn. Yes 15 years is too short a life. But still we can find things to say thank you for in those 15 years.

One of the things we have to do today is make a choice. As we lament H's death, as we face all the mixed emotions her death brings, as we share stories and weep, and maybe even laugh in fond memory we have to choose between hope and despair. Will we lament with hope or despair? Will we choose to believe the claim that we can stare into the face of death, even unexpected, premature, tragic death, and proclaim that life still wins? It doesn't make sense after all. How can we, is it even possible to, lament with hope?

There is, in my mind, only one way we can lament with hope. We can only do it through faith. We can only do it by reminding ourselves of the promise we find in our faith stories, stories of people who often found reason to weep and lament and worry, but who also had hope. We only do it by reminding ourselves that we are not alone.

Every Sunday people gather together in this place to remember the story of Jesus, the one who promised his friends that there was something beyond death. At one point Jesus is talking to his friends and talks of going to prepare a place for them. Going to prepare a place means that there is a place for us. It is our promise that something lies beyond death. This is good news. Even in the face of tragedy this promise can give us hope.

Writing to the church in Rome, Paul proclaims his conviction that nothing, NOTHING can separate us from God. Nothing in life, not even death can separate us from the God who watched us grow in our mother's womb, who has shared every step, every breath of our lives. Here is more hope. If death can not separate us from God then there must be something beyond death. Something beyond the tragedy not only for H but for her friends and family who have been left to mourn her death.

“Yeah sure”, I can hear some of you saying. It's easy to talk about hope. Easy to talk about faith. Easy to talk about God. But where is God in these times? For that I think of the chorus to a song from my teen years – “Lean On Me”:
Lean on me, when you're not strong
I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on.
And later
we all need somebody to lean on.
In times like this God speaks these words. In times like this God is the one who helps us get up in the morning, who helps us stand up when the weight of the world crushes in on our shoulders.

The book of poetry we know as the Psalms contains much wisdom for times such as this. In Psalm 46 the poet says that God is our rock, our refuge, a help in times of trouble. Even when the earth shakes and life seems uncertain God is our rock and refuge. In Psalm 121 the poet looks up at the seemingly barren hillsides and asks “where will my help come from”. Think of that image, down at the bottom of a deep valley, surrounded by high hills that seem insurmountable. That sounds to me like a good image for the depths of grief we feel at a time like this. And the Psalmist knows that his help will come from God, that God is always there, that God is not asleep at the switch, that God “will keep your going out and your coming in from this time on and forevermore.”

God is not there to stop the tragedy from happening, as much as we might want that. But God is there to help us climb back out of the valley. Even when the world is falling to pieces around us, God is there to help us put the pieces back into some sort of order. And this is a cause for hope.

On Tuesday the unimaginable happened. A young person who was loved by many but who was apparently feeling that there was no other option chose to end her pain by ending her life. It makes not sense. It isn't fair. And now we need to find a way to live in a world that has been changed. As we try to do that we can take hope from the realization that God is with us, that we do not face the pain and anger and emptiness and uncertainty alone, or solely with our own strength. This is a cause for hope. We can also take a measure of comfort in knowing that for H the time of pain and unhappiness is ended. Jesus told his friends there would be a place waiting for them, for us, when our time on earth was over. When we make the journey to the life which lies beyond this life we are welcomed with the open loving arms of the God who has been with us since before our birth, the God who loves and accepts us unconditionally. There is comfort there, there is promise there, there is even hope.

We are not alone. We live in and walk with God. God will walk with us through the valley of grief. God will lead us back into life. In life, in death, in life beyond death we are NOT alone. Thanks be to God. Amen

Prayers for a Funeral Service

OPENING PRAYER

God who creates and re-creates us,
God who laughs with us and weeps with us,
God who walks with us each step of the way, carrying us when our strength fails,
we gather today with hearts breaking with grief, with voices crying out words of lament.
And so we ask that you would move in and around us today.
As we gather to remember and say good bye to NAME,
be the shoulder we can cry on, the arm we can lean on,
help us to see through the veil of tears that there is hope
for life continuing.
Gracious God, as mysterious and wondrous as you are,
you are also a compassionate God,
as attentive as a hen with her chicks,
as tender as a mother with a newborn child,
as watchful as a shepherd with the sheep,
as protective as a father’s warm embrace.
and so we come into your presence to grieve NAME’s death,
asking that your Holy Spirit would be here to ease our pain.
As we give thanks for all that he/she added to the lives of those around her/him,
as we release our tears and anger,
as we say our good-byes, remind us that we are not alone.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.



PRAYER FOR GRACE
God of life and death and life beyond death,
we gather together today all too aware of the fragility of life.
We gather today all too aware of the pain in the world,
and of the ways we may not respond to that pain.
We know that we are not perfect,
that we do not always live out Your love as we truly could.
There are times we carry guilt for things we have done,
for things we have not done but could have,
and for things that we only see in hindsight.
Some of this guilt is warranted, and some of it is not,
sometimes we take on things that are not ours.
To deal with the guilt we have earned and the guilt we place on ourselves, we need your grace.
As we open ourselves to you, naming in silence the times we think or feel that we have come short, move in our hearts, remind us that we live in Your grace, remind us that we are loved and forgiven and accepted.
...time of silent prayer...
Here is the Good News! Nothing in death or life separates us from the love of God. We are loved. We are accepted. We are forgiven. Thanks be to God. Amen.