A WEdding Meditation

In Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth we read these words:

If I speak in the tongues of humans and of angels but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. ...

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. ... And now faith, hope, and love remain, these three, and the greatest of these is love

This morning in churches around the globe candles were lit. As we prepare for the coming of Christmas we light candles reminding us that we need hope, we seek peace, we look for joy and this morning a candle was lit to remind us that love is central to how God acts in the world. Love, I believe, is the creative word that brings out life. Love is the force that keeps us together.

Today we gather together to celebrate a particular face of love. We have come to celebrate with A&M as they declare their love for and commitment to each other. Marriage, at its best, is an incarnation of love. Family, at its best, is held together by love – both the families into which we are born and also the families which we choose, or which choose us.

Now if we are honest, marriage, family are not always easy. There are days we disagree, sometimes strongly. There are days we just need to spend time away from each other. The road of life sometimes has potholes or speed bumps or periods of construction. Thankfully love which flows from God is strong and resilient.

The love that Paul describes in his letter to Corinth is not just the love of Hallmark movies, of candlelight and roses. It is a love that is deep and resilient. It, as Paul says, bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things. This is the love that carries us through the tough days.

In marriage we make ourselves more vulnerable than in almost any other relationship. We choose to put our hearts and souls in the care of another person. And we do that knowing that neither of us is perfect. It is a great act of deep trust. Trust at that level comes from being loved by and loving the other. Trust at that level is something we need to hold very precious.

M&A, today a new family is being formed. To a degree it will combine the families from which you have come as you bring forward what you have learned about life from them. At the same time it will be something new, a place where the two of you will learn and grow together. May this new family be a place of deep trust and love. May it be a place where you both can continue to grow into who you were meant to be. As time passes may your love deepen and mature.

In the book of Ecclesiastes there is a passage that says:

Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other, but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? ... A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

M&A, may you be there to pick each other up, to keep each other warm. And may God, who gives us love, who is best known through love, be the third strand in the cord of your life, the strand that adds strength and stability when the other two are stretched to their limit. May you be blessed, may you be a blessing to each other and to all others in your lives. Amen.

A WEdding Sermon

M and A, now I talk to you about relationship. To be in relationship is at the heart of human experience. We all have a variety of relationships in our lives. Our earliest is that of child and parent, then maybe a sibling. Then there are other family members: grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... As time goes on we move out into the world and develop friendships with people outside the family circle. Some of these become deep and life-long, others are just for a period of time until one or the other moves on. Each of these relationships teach us something. We learn who we are as we relate to others, we learn how to relate to others, we may even learn about who we want to be when we grow up. Both of you have relationships like these in your lives.

But then for many people there is another relationship. This is the relationship where you choose one special person with whom you will share your life more deeply than with any other. This is the relationship where we choose to make ourselves more vulnerable than any other. In this one we pledge ourselves to each other, we make vows to support each other come what may, we promise to put this relationship in a place of prime importance and grow a place where both of us can grow and blossom and shine. It is this relationship that we are here to celebrate to day.

Today as you stand in front of your family and friends you will make promises to each other. Today marks the beginning of a new part of the life you share. After today many things will be the same as they were yesterday. And one thing will be different. Your lives will be joined together, interlinked, in a stronger way. We have all come to witness this happen. We have all come to promise to support you as you grow a marriage together. We have all come to celebrate this commitment, this life you share.

Tomorrow you continue to build the relationship and life you share. On my GPS unit you can choose your destination but then you can add stopping points along the road as a “via point”. Today is one of those via points on the journey, a layover perhaps as you continue to the destination. Mind you this is a journey with no set destination, rather a series of destinations will appear along the way, just as there have already been a series of destinations to get you to this day. The journey of marriage is one where you continue to learn more about each other and yourselves as you live through what life decides to put in your path. In the process we trust and pray that your relationship will grow stronger and deeper as time goes by.

On the table behind me are 4 candles. 3 of them we have lit already, one we will light in a little bit. The words we attach to these candles can help you along the journey that will be your marriage.

HOPE – what would life be without hope? Hope is that thing that pushes us to keep trying when the road gets challenging, the hope that individual challenges are temporary and the relationship is lasting. Hope is that thing that gives us a dream, or a series of dreams, as we look to the future. M and A, may there always be hope in your marriage

PEACE – Peace can mean many things. Sometimes it means quiet or calm. Sometimes it means one side has conquered the other. In marriage we look for a different kind of peace. We look for the peace that comes, not from the total lack of conflict (because we know that doesn’t exist). The peace of marriage is based on the fact that conflict is resolved and both people win. Peace in marriage comes also when we can sit quietly with our beloved and be comforted and warmed simply by their presence. A and M, may peace be the norm in your marriage.

JOY – At this time of the year we hear a lot of talk about Joy. From a theological and practical point of view I think we get Joy wrong. For me joy is not just happiness. Joy is deeper. Joy comes from that deep place of trust and appreciation Joy in marriage comes from seeing each other and ourselves with clear eyes, flaws and all, and realize the depth of our relationship, how much we would miss without each other. A and M, in the life you share find joy in each other, produce joy for each other.

LOVE – The candle we have yet to light, possibly the most important candle we will light this afternoon., the candle of Love. None of the relationships in our lives are always easy. The deeper the connection, the greater the vulnerability there is and that makes love so much more important. In marriage we put our lives in the hands of another, on purpose, knowing that this is a risk. We are able to find the comfort to do that because there is love. If there is a magic bullet to marriage (to life in general) it is love. M and A, may the love which has lead or drawn you to this place continue to lead and draw you forward in the years to come.

A and M, you have invited us to be a part of this special day. You have invited us to add this to our celebration of Christmas Love. We thank you for the invitation. And we come to witness your commitment, to promise to support you in the life you share, and to celebrate with you today. In the Scripture passage we just heard it reminds us that a threefold cord is not easily broken. I have noticed (not being inclined or allowed to actually braid hair in my house) that if you try to braid two strands together it does not work well. But add the third strand and you add stability and strength. May God be present as the third strand in the cord that is your marriage, there to add support and strength when the others feel stretched to breaking May God bless and keep you always. Amen.

For the Pouring of Unity Sand (or Bath Beads or Salt...)

X&Y have chosen to symbolize their marriage through a Unity Pouring. The mingling of the grains symbolizes the mingling and sharing of their lives. And yet the different colours remain to show that X&Y are still the singular individuals we all know. May they be blessed in the life they share.

A Wedding Meditation

To be human is to be in relationship. To be human is to share our lives with those around us, to one degree or another. Some relationships are with casual acquaintances. Some are with a BFF. Some are parent-child. And for some of us there is that one special relationship in our lives, the one person with whom our life is inextricably blended, the one we choose to call our life-partner. The challenge in all these relationships is living them out with harmony, respect, and mutuality.

How we live in relationship to the world around us is the predominant issue of Scripture. And there are so many things said about that. Sometimes it would be easier if there was some sort of shorthand way of describing how we are to live in relationship with our neighbours instead of long lists of rules and regulations. Turns out there is. One simple word. Love.

There is an old Jewish story about a rabbi who was asked to explain the whole Law while standing on one foot. It was a set-up, a challenge the questioner likely thought impossible. “Simple,” said the Rabbi, lifting up one foot, “love God with your whole being, love your neighbour as yourself”. That is how we live in relationship with God and with the people around us. By loving them, which means by acting in a loving way towards them.

 X & Y, you have come here today to promise your lives: the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the easy and the difficult, to each other. Marriage, to use classic language, is a holy estate, not to be entered into lightly. To use athletic language it is also a marathon. Not a sprint with a sudden spurt of energy soon over but a marathon, an endurance event. And like any marathon there are times of relatively easygoing where the course is flat and smooth and times where the going is hard, where it feels like you are hitting the wall, where it takes great strength of will to keep putting one foot in front of another, to keep moving forward.

Because let us be honest, marriage is not always easy. In marriage we put our lives into the hands of another. In marriage we make ourselves more vulnerable than in any other relationship. And we do that while knowing that neither of us in perfect. We do it knowing that there is no guarantee of success, that while the road will sometimes be smooth and straight there will also be potholes and sharp curves and construction along the way.

Indeed, given all the challenges and all the stories about relationships gone bad that float around the world today it sometimes amazes me both that people take the risk of entering into marriage. And even more amazing is the fact that it works so often!

Marriages work, when they work, not because of magic but because of effort. Marriages work because of love, because the partners choose to love each other as they love themselves. When we choose to love our partners, to accept our partners, flaws and all we are choosing the reality of life, the reality of relationship.

X & Y, as you stand here to promise your lives to each other know that you are not alone. This room is full of people who have come to witness these promises but who have also promised to offer you their love and support. And beyond that there is God. In the book of Ecclesiastes there is a passage that talks about how life is easier when not dealt with alone. The passage ends with the line “a threefold cord is not easily broken”. God is the third strand in the braided cord that is your marriage, the strand that adds strength and stability even when the other two are stretched to the breaking point. May you be blessed by each other. May you be blessings to each other. And may God bless you in the life that you share. Amen.